I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
