I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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