ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
