So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
