Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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