Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
