benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
