She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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