I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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