first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
whose parrot is this?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
