Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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