Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
