Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
