she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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