Pants 0. Shit 1.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
