From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
