If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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