my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
