Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
