I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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