He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
