I will die if light touches me.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
