she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
