why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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