Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
