You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
