omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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