I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
