So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
