actually, I'm a sock model
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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