sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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