This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
