I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
