I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
