Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
