Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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