Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
