He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
