Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
