I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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