she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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