I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
