you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
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You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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