It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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