I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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