Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
