Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
These tits shall not be calmed
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
