We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
