Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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