At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
