How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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