Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You were trust falling into bushes
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