Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
