Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize