I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
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I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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