You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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