I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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