there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
