3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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