all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Pooping to opera.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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