Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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