my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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