Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
