my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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