So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
