hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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